A Belated Happy Thanksgiving (Irish Style)

29th November 2013

I feel bad. Yesterday was Thanksgiving in the US and I completely failed to mention it in my blog. I do have many American friends and also work for a US multinational (in their Irish division) and realised very quickly that yesterday was special as I failed to receive even one e-mail from the head office looking for information, reports or simply informing me f something that was completely irrelevant.  So a day late but with the utmost sincerity, I would like to give thanks to being able to work undisturbed for an entire day. Thank you.

Should we in Ireland attempt to emulate our American cousins and dedicate a day when we give thanks for all that we have? Our maybe, in the light of the historical basis of Thanksgiving should we look to our history and choose a time when everything seemed doomed but just in the nick of time we were saved.

Five years ago things were looking bad for us all, our Taoiseach was AWOL, and our finance minister was clearly not up to the job because of his health issues (more on BL Jr’s arrogance later). The banks were collapsing around us and the values of our homes were going down faster than the champagne at the FF Galway tent. But then from nowhere our saviours arrived, in a manner reminiscent of the Native Americans turning up with food for the pilgrims we were blessed with the arrival of what we now know to be the Troika – those wonderful humanitarian philanthropists from the IMF, ECB and European Commission – three years ago just in time for Thanksgiving 2010.

And we surely have much to be thankful for. Five years ago the economy was booming, jobs were there for all and sundry and many of us were paper millionaires based the value of our homes. Then came that infamous night in September 2008 when a clearly uninformed and incompetent Brian Lenihan (with support from Brian Cowen) decided to instigate the “cheapest bailout in history”.

My eldest boy (almost 18) came in to me recently and said “Dad, I’m a bit short on cash at the moment, can you lend me some just until I sort out a job and get paid?”, I immediately said, “Here son, take my credit card you can use it for as long as you like because I know that you are a responsible adult and can afford whatever it is you are buying”. Actually I didn’t say or do that at all because I – unlike the two Brian’s – am not a complete and utter idiot.

Seriously what were they thinking? Two years later the country is bankrupt, unemployment is through the roof and would be worse if emigration wasn’t higher than Luke Flanagan and we gave away what little sovereignty we had left to the mysterious Troika. And you have to love the way that they are continually described in our media as “the Troika” as if stating that they are in fact a group of international bankers isn’t scary enough.

But back to my point, these saviours swooped in three years ago (in time for thanksgiving) and saved us from ourselves. At a time when no politician was willing to make the tough decisions like cutting old age pensions, the Troika were. When no one was brave enough to reduce benefits to the disabled, the Troika stood tall and said (just like Captain Picard) “make it happen”. When our cowardly politicians were unable to bring themselves to vote in favour of closing down hospitals and enlarging the waiting lists, the Troika forced them to do the right thing.

In case you think that the Troika were all powerful, fear not as they did distance themselves from the really tough decisions like reducing politicians pay, enforcing pay controls for public servants and restructuring our antiquated and inefficient public sector. Maybe next time….

So as we give thanks to our saviours, we can look forward to 2014 when the Irish government can no longer blame the Troika for the bad decisions that will no doubt emanate from Dail Eireann.

Teachers in Charge?

28th November 2013

What do you get when you let a load of school teachers run the country? Unfortunately this is not the beginning of a joke….. well in fact it is and the answer is “Ireland”. Now before I get hundreds (I wish) of angry e-mails from school teachers, I would like to state now that I have nothing but respect for those dedicated individuals who are willing to look after my kids for up to seven hours a day. My issue is that since when does a (very) basic understanding of Maths, Science, History, Geography and English mean that you are capable of understanding complex economic, financial, political and medical (to name but a few) issues?

I am not denying that the ability to stand up in front of a crowd of unruly tots, pre-teens and teens must be of great value to Messrs Kenny, Howlin & Noonan in dealing with the other Dail deputies, surely there is more to running the country than that. Of course the fourth member of the “Economic Management Council” Mr Gilmore is clearly the real leader of the pack with his years of activism and trade union membership. Clearly our Trade Affairs are best left to the man who has never worked for an actual company.

I am not suggesting that we should only appoint teachers to the Education ministry, doctors to the Health ministry (more on good ol’ Reilly later) or accountants to Finance, but some modicum of real world knowledge in these areas could only be of a benefit. Appointing lawyers to act as Finance Ministers has been proven to be a disaster while regardless of your opinion of the arrogant and smarmy Shatter, you have to admit that he does know his legal stuff.

Though, on a day when a senior Garda officer admits that the forces priority is cost cutting rather than keeping the citizens safe, catching criminals or even protecting our assets, now is obviously not the time to be singing Shatters praises.

In two weeks time the ESB unions are threatening to go on strike, because they are worried that their cosseted defined benefit pensions may not be all that they were expecting. Boo Hoo. It is as if none of them have read a paper, watched the news, listened to the radio or spoken to another individual for the past five years. The ESB workers seem to think that they – along with many other public sector and bank employees – are immune and safe from the vagaries of the markets and that they are entitled to 50% of their final wage no matter who has to pay for it.

And that is the problem because it is the Irish taxpayer that they are demanding fund their pension to the tune of €1,500,000,000 – because they’re worth it. And who do we have representing us? Pat Rabitte, someone who, similar to his party leader, has never had a proper job and whose only qualification is an Arts & Law degree and years of union activism before becoming a politician. Another member of the cosseted elite who have no idea what life is really like trying to convince us that he knows what he is doing.

Roll on 2014 and let’s see what additional mayhem these wonderful teachers and trade union organisers can cause.

Before you all suggest that I am a closet FF member, let me state unreservedly that I am not now, nor ever have been a member, supporter or voter for FF (or even SF).

My First Blog

27th November 2013

So here we go, and as 2013 comes to an undramatic end – along the lines of the third Lord of the Rings film in that you know it is eventually going to end and just want it over NOW. Indeed there are a lot of positives that could be said for 2013, for example at least it wasn’t a leap year, and now we can all start to look forward to 2014 with hope and optimism because as they say – things can only get better.

And there is so much that could improve. I could talk sports (well actually I couldn’t but I could probably blag my way out of a conversation about sports) and say that now that the FAI have a decent manager (and glamorous assistant) the Irish football team is definitely going to qualify for the Euro 2016 games. See things are better already and we can look forward to stories of unemployed fans, saving up their dole money in order to follow the team around (hang on while I Google the venues) France. We can already see the letters of complaints sent to either the Times or Independent regarding how unfair it is that Ryanair have raised their prices to certain locations at certain times – all of which seem to coincide with when Ireland are playing. And of course then there will be the recriminations as good ol’ Dunphy turns and stabs Martin and Roy in their respective backs despite his ongoing support for the past to years.

But I am not really a big sports fan – I watch it when there is something interesting on (like our glorious defeat to NZ last weekend) but just can’t bring myself to be interested enough in the statistics, players or off-pitch soap opera of their lives to actually write about it. These words may come back to haunt me later on when I start to write about the difficulties of being a Dub married to a Clare woman as I understand that we are playing two hurling matches against them at some point for some cup or league in some ground (not Croker though).

I am much more interested in the economy and business but I accept that it is difficult to write anything vaguely humorous about these subjects (that David McWilliams or Eddie Hobbs haven’t already done). And as for politics – it is simply too easy to satirise our current, former and probably future leaders. Suffice to say, that for what was once a very well educated population, we certainly managed to make a complete arse of things.

Aha – did I say “once….”? Am I implying that we are no longer well educated? But the recent report in the papers concerning numbers of school leavers going to college would suggest that we are still well educated. Well call me a heretic, but the fact that little Jimmy managed to get in to some small time third level college (like UCD or Trinity) because he managed to get 430 points in a simplified test of memory, means nothing. There will be more on this later as I take a look at what my eldest boy is doing in Trinity (and by “look at” I mean mock).

I will of course be joining in the debate on lots of other current issues like the upcoming ESB strike where I will write words that will probably cause my Grandfather (a staunch unionist [NOT Unionist, merely a supporter of trade unions]) to turn in his grave. Health and Social Welfare will not be off the table either in terms of discussion and mockery; though what I can say when the ministers in charge seem to be doing such a good job of self-mockery is debateable. Taking a swipe at the health of our health minister will be deemed too easy and therefore avoided, but his own personal finances, speeches, policies and incomprehensible press releases will be used against him.

Former politicians and opposition members will not escape the power of my blog either – I can tell that they are trembling already in fear and anticipat………ion – as I call them out for their hypocrisy and poor dress sense (though I will generally avoid all fashion related topics). Of course it is clear from some of the commentary over the last year or so what the Irish public (or at least the journalists) find worse given how Mick Wallace is more often described as a scruffy pink shirted Independent TD rather than a(n allegedly) tax dodging potential bankrupt.

Anyway that is it for the moment – more blogs on actual topics may follow.